In honor of the total meltdown of America’s economy, I’m sharing some sound financial advice. What follows is my list of objects one should NEVER have to purchase again in his or her lifetime.
Take the money you save by NOT buying these items and save for your children’s college education. It's never too soon (or too late).
1. Pen/Pencil.
It’s the least you should get for taking out a $100,000 loan from the bank.
2. Travel size shampoo/conditioner/bar soap/lotion/shower cap/shoe polish.
Thanks, Holiday Inn Express! I’m the reason you have to up your prices to counteract missing toiletries. Still love those cinnamon rolls, though.
3. T-shirt.
Sure, I’ll wear this free shirt in exchange for advertising your 17th Annual Bike-Riding Brownie-Eating Festival. Do you have it in any color besides chartreuse?
4. Magazine/Newspaper.
Why buy a paper publication when you can read nearly all the content on-line and usually much sooner?
5. Satellite/Cable TV.
See #4 above. Sure, there’s always http://www.youtube.com/, but my =legal= favorites are http://www.colbernation.com/, www.animenewsnetwork.com/video/anime, and http://www.hulu.com/. Go ahead, Alec Baldwin. Suck my brain.
6. Calculator.
How much did this contraption cost thirty years ago? And it didn’t even have a square-root button. Accountants and bankers love to give out these devices, just to show you they don't need them.
7. Flash Drive.
The free calculator of the 21st century. Just don’t expect it to work after six months. Back up your back-ups.
8. Ruler.
I can’t quite see the connection between the metric system and your filtered drinking water service, but I’ll take it anyway—the ruler, not your business. Call me when I actually own an office.
9. Notepad.
I forgot to swipe it out of the Holiday Inn. Good thing I’m staying at this Super 8. I’ll carry this pad around and pretend to be a gumshoe private eye. Who needs blackberry?
10. Advice.
Here it is (free of charge)--Don’t buy any of this stuff. Return to your hunter/gatherer roots and scavenge these articles whenever you have an opportune moment. You never know when you’ll need another shower cap.
So what other items have you found free of charge? Let us know in your comments below—no hidden fees!
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